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I find that I use the word, wish, often. I suppose we all do. “I wish I would win the lottery.” I wish that school would begin at 10.” “I wish that my grades improve.” “I wish I had less homework.” “I wish we had a Student Center.” The list of wishes for all of us would probably be long - some wishes would be for small things, others would be for more universal things.

I have four very clear wishes for you. I can’t make them come true, but I hope you will think about them and possibly make a few of them come true.

1. I wish that each of you has found or will find at least one adult in your life whom you can completely, absolutely, trust. Whether that person is on this campus, or is someone in your personal life (a parent, a relative, a priest, a rabbi), it really does not matter. It is that person you can confide in on any subject whatsoever.

For me it was my dad and an English teacher who was my baseball coach. When I was about 15, I learned somehow that there was no subject that I could not talk about with these two - even the most difficult ones - drinking, drugs, religion, marriage, sex, relationships, - anything.

For too long I was either too immature, too embarrassed, too shy, too afraid to ask them the tough questions. I thought I could work out all my thoughts on my own. I suppose people can do that, but I recall the relief, the comfort I felt when I knew I could trust these two people with anything.

Growing up - just living each day - can be a tough, complex challenge. Doing it alone can be particularly difficult. Having an adult who will listen, understand, support, empathize, and love you without conditions, is a priceless gift.

2. I wish each of you will understand the word, perspective: the art of allowing yourself the possibility that what you believe to be true right now may look and feel much differently to you in retrospect. My example is personal and I have carried this reminder with me for many years.

I had been a starter on my college soccer team for three years. It was the post-season banquet, and I had allowed myself to believe that I was going to be elected the next year’s captain. Awesome, I thought. The announcement was made, and the selection was my roommate, David Hackett; Moose was his nickname. Moose was a good player but he didn’t have the minutes I did. For the next month, I went into a tailspin of self-pity, denial that someone else could lead, anger, loss of confidence, indignation. Even the old standard, “Hell, maybe I should quit!” came out. I was hurting and was convinced that somehow I had been cheated.

In short, Moose spent the summer before his senior year at Quantico, Virginia, training to be an officer in the Marines. He returned in incredible shape and was an unbelievable leader - yes, far better than I could have been at the time. He went to Vietnam and was killed in February 1967. It was Moose who had been cheated of a full life, not me. I believe to this day that God had a plan for Moose, including being captain, because He knew that He was going to call on him at an early age. To this day I am ashamed of my behavior in the winter of my junior year and far more prepared to realize that the present may look different in the future. Perspective and time can add clarity.

3. I wish that you think about the quality of the journey you are on in your life as being more important than any particular destination - a grade, a performance, a game, a college choice, a job.

For me, the most powerful moment of last year came in the presentation by Erik Weihenmayer. Erik, as most of you recall, has been blind since age 13, and was the first blind man to summit Mt. Everest. He has summitted the highest peak on all seven continents. A lower school boy asked him, “What did you feel like when you were standing ‘on top of the world’?”

Erik responded that he really did not give it much thought. What was important to him were the teamwork, the relationships, the dedication of the three months that got him there. Rather abruptly, he declared that the journey was far more important than the destination.

Each of you is far more than a McDonogh student, college grad, a lawyer, teacher - whatever. You are and will be judged by most people by your ability to be a good person, a loyal friend, a contributor to your community. Sadly, our culture seems to worship destinations, rankings, credentials, titles. I wish that you will always be evaluating the quality and substance of your journey, not the mile-marks.

4. Finally, I want to relate briefly a story I read about a young, successful California lawyer who was asked, “What is the most important thing you have done so far in your life?” My wish for you will be clear in his answer, which I will paraphrase.

He writes: The most important thing I have ever done occurred on October 8, 1990. When I was home in Massachusetts celebrating my mom’s 65th birthday. I began the day playing tennis with a high school buddy. He and his wife had just had a baby boy. While we were playing, a car came screaming up the road, horn blaring. My friend’s father shouted to my buddy that his baby had stopped breathing and was being rushed to the hospital. In a flash my friend joined his father for the trip to the hospital.

I tried to figure out what I should do. A. Follow my friend to the hospital? Well, there was nothing I could accomplish there. Whatever will be, will be. B. Moral support? Not really. My buddy and his wife had great families who would provide the necessary comfort. Plus, it was Mom’s birthday.

As I started my rental car, I realized that my friend had left his truck and keys behind. Reluctantly, I decided to swing by the hospital to give him the keys. As I entered the hospital waiting room, the doctor entered, approached my friend and his wife and in a quiet voice told them that their son had died, a victim of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. For what seemed like an eternity, the couple held each other, and cried. After composing themselves a little, they walked past their family and came over and hugged me, saying, “Thanks for being here.” That was the most important thing I have ever done. Just being there for someone else, a friend.

The friend goes on to add that he had almost “logically” convinced himself that he was not needed there. While learning to think in school, college, law school, as a lawyer, he almost forgot how to feel.

There is no question you are here to learn how to think, to analyze, to reach logical, thoughtful conclusions but my wish is that you never forget how to feel.

Sure, I wish that you are happy, successful, fulfilled here and later in your lives, but I believe those have a better chance of materializing if you have someone you trust, if you are blessed with ability to put things in perspective, if you do not get preoccupied with the destinations of your journey, and if you learn how to feel as well as think.

Conclusion: Those are my four wishes for you, but I consider it a privilege to support whatever your wishes are in whatever way I can. Thanks for listening.